In college, it is relatively easy to know a lot of people. We may meet someone at an org event, in class, at a party, or even Walmart. When we see them we say hello and may not even remember their name. It’s usually like “Oh, hey!” and we proceed to have a whole conversation with them without knowing their name. My personal go-to is “Hey girl!” or “Heyyyy!” really enthusiastically lol. That’s actually pretty sad when I think about it. I do make a constant effort to try to remember people’s names because I would want someone to remember mine. 

So, these individuals that you find yourself doing this to are called your acquaintances. They aren’t really your friends but you both are also not strangers.

What is an Acquaintance?

An acquaintance is:

(noun) 1. a person know to one, but usually not a close friend. 

2. the state of being acquainted or causally familiar with some or something. 

Get out of the habit of calling everyone your friend because everyone truly is not. People are lucky to have you in their lives. Understand that you are valuable and that you can’t just share your space and time with everyone. Of course, you should be nice and cordial to people but just know the difference between friends and acquaintances.

What About Your Friends? (Does TLC Dance)

Who Should be Your Friends?

People that have the same goals, ambitions, and values as you should be the people you surround yourself with. These are the people who will be there for you when you need them because they understand you, your drive and what you stand for. Be intentional about your friendships. By this I mean, pick your friends wisely.

Now, I’m not saying don’t be friends with people that are different from you, however, pay attention to how you vibe with a person. What type of aura are they giving you? All of this should be taken into consideration when picking your friends.

“Gettin’ Grown” Perspective

Gettin’ Grown is a podcast by two women name Jade and Keia and they speaks about “learning how to adult. for real”. They had a podcast about their “Friendventory”, which spoke about what type of friends that think we should all have in our lives.

They mentioned that we have a lot of friends out of convenience and connections get built off of our place in life. This can include high school friends, work friends, and extracurricular activity friends, among many others. We build these types of friendships because they are in our proximity and we see them very often. Then when we are not in those places any more friendships tend to dwindle down to just social media interaction. This is a very common occurrence and has happened to me many times in my life. It is okay though because they were meant to be in your life for the particular point in time and they no longer fit what you consider a friend.

What Types of Friends Are There?

Jade and Keia mentioned 4 types of friends that we should have and we should want to be.

1. Confidant

The first type of friend that they mentioned is the confidant. This person is someone that you can go to vent to and you know that they are always there if you need to talk about things. They don’t have to give advice or give feedback, they just need to be there to listen to you and acknowledge your feelings. You trust that this person will keep your secrets. 

2. Comforter

Next is the comforter, which is someone that helps you process your feelings, and encourages you and pushes you to deal with things you are avoiding. This person is always there for you to deal with the things in your life and they give good advice on what you should do. 

3. Confronter

The confronter is someone that is willing to call you out on all of the things that no one else is willing to. Are you making a fool of yourself by staying in a relationship that is bad for you? Are you handling a situation with someone in an immature way? Things like these, a confronter would have no issue addressing. Now, when they address you it should not be in a bad or combative way but in a caring and honest way. 

4. Clarifier

A clarifier is a person that helps you process and think through things. This person is a very logistical person that listens to your ideas and helps you put them in motion. They are a person that is excited about your accomplishments and want you to succeed. They want to help you think through situations to get the best outcome. 

Conclusion

Many of these traits are really similar because they are dealing with being there for your friends. This is of course not saying that you only need 4 friends because multiple people can fall into these categories.  

So, when thinking about these traits first evaluate yourself. Which of these traits do you personally possess? Keia mentioned that she falls into multiple categories which is definitely possible. It can be evaluated in relation to which friend you are thinking about as well. So, think about whether you are someone that your friends think about when they have a problem or they just need to vent about something. We may not always fill out these boxes but we should always strive to be better. 

Next, think about the friends that you have in your life. Do you have all confronters in your circle? Three of each? Having a good mix is important because each category enhances a different part of our lives.

Things to Ponder:

• Do your friends get excited for you when you have a great accomplishment?
• Are your friends there for you when you need to vent? Are they fully there in the conversation or are they just there?
• Can you call this person to hang out with them?
• Do they make time for you? Are they dependable?
• Do they take what you are saying into consideration or do they dismiss how you feel about things?
• Are they respectful? Are they loyal?
• Do they accept you for who you are?
• Do you vibe with them?

I can literally go on and on about what a friend should be and do. There are so many other questions to think about when you are evaluating the friendships that you have with others but these are just a few. So, think about your circle and see if you can check off these boxes. If not you may need to do a little re-evaluating on who you call your friends.

Comment down below what traits you feel makes someone a good friend!

Check out Jade and Keia’s podcast for yourself down below. The discussion starts at 22:40. 

Thanks for reading!